Life is too short to be desperate

This blog is dedicated to all the women (it can be applied to men as well) that are in relationships they don't want to be in. One thing that I have learned from prior experience is that you need to be happy in your own skin and know your worth. True, there needs to be compromise in relationships but if you can't be yourself, it's not going to work. Sure, you're changing or hiding your true self now, but that will only last you for so long. You'll only end up resenting him for making you miss out on certain things in life. You used to drink- atleast socially! What? You can't even step into a bar because he doesn't like alcohol? So what happens 3 years from now when you "feel" like having a margarita? I hope you're not trying to "hook" him, thinking you'll change him. YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYONE! You can only change yourself. But I hope and wish you're changing yourself for the better. Or is he making you "think" this is the person you want to be? They can brainwash you, but only when you want to be brainwashed. Otherwise, you'll wake up at the age of 70 and realize how much you were repressed and wish you lived your life better and freely. Coulda, shoulda ..but didn't.


So many women get into emotionally abusive relationships w/o even realizing it. Then, after 2 kids and 15 years later, she finds out that he's still cheating and has been with someone else for the last 8 fuckin' years?! WTF?! If that is not enough for you divorce his ass, I don't know what is! Your family has told you, your friends left you because of him and now, 15 years later, you are still alone. --okay, sorry, I didn't mean it that way-- I'm just saying that you're still where you were after you married his ass. Family and friend torn. I know, the truth hurts. Life's a bitch. But you can only be in denial for so long. Just suck it up now, & cut your losses. You're already in too deep.

The emotional, abusive cylce will continue and may continue through your children. And don't trust him with the KIDS! Get a freakin' restraining order!!! Seriously, you think your kids will tell you what's going on?! They are AFRAID. They LOVE YOU and their DAD! THEY ARE GETTING BRAINWASHED EVERYMINUTE YOU LEAVE THEM WITH HIM. I don't understand how you can trust him with them. True, they're his kids too but he doesn't care about them! Does he care about his other kid from another woman? What honestly makes you believe that he cares for yours. To him, they are his weapons- to get to you.

OKay, I can type about this stuff anymore. Time for another biofeedback session!

To all the women in relationships they don't want to be in, PLEASE, PLEASE GET HELP! And once you do break away, beware of the the obsessive ex.

And once that is over, please take time to heal yourself. You don't want to rush yourself into another relationship. Especially when you are fragile and "on the rebound". I'm not saying you always have to have a rebound. It's actually better when you don't- less complicated. But if you are the type that needs to, just remember, rebounds are rebounds. Nothing more, nothing less.

The new kid survives!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Whew! I've survived the first week at my new job. Let me apologize for all my spelling and grammar errors now. It's 1:25 a.m and I should be resting my brain for tomorrow's cranium crack. So, last Monday, I endured a full day- yes, FULL day- 8 hours worth of new hire orientation. Naturally, being the new kid on the block, I could't just go home. I had to make sure I was properly set up, etc and oh yeah, eat a wholesome dinner. ;) That was 10 hours that day. Then I was in training from Tuesday - Thursday (10 hours each day, except for Thursday when I got home early to take a "nap" before going to the gym and ended up sleeping until the Friday morning!). When I say training- it was to show me where to find resources, what was available and basic process/protocols. Friday- my graduation day/ TGIF where they serve BEER (even green beer, in honor of St. Patrick's day)- I was able to work the standard 8 hours. In case you're wondering, did party girl go out on Friday? The answer is no. I was just too drained. Besides, I was holding my girlfriend's bachelorette party the next day. I'll post a separate entry for that one. ;)

I can honestly say that I have learned SO much in just a week's time. And that starting with this company is one of my best decisions. You should know that with these statements comes discomfort. As I mentioned before before, being too comfortable is not where I want to be or stay. I think it's human nature. Or maybe just with certain types of people. All I know is that, while being comfortable feels good, it also can be depressing. You're stagnant. You don't grow and you end up getting in a rut wishing and hoping for things but are unable to move because you don't know where or how to start. Right? It's probably just me, but when I am too comfortable, I don't reach - I don't push myself further.

I've been challenged and pushed everyday since last Monday and it feels good. Okay, okay to be honest, I almost cracked on Friday because I felt so lost. Seriously. It was 2 pm and I still was afraid to answer the phone or talk to someone because I thought "What the hell am I doing? I don't even know how to approach the issue. I can't do this. I don't think I can make it." It was scary. I'm out of my element. Supporting Linux, Mac & Windows users. I'm in a room with 6 guys(co-workers) that are all solid in their skills and even though they looked busy, or were actually working, THEY WERE LISTENING. Just knowing that they were listening and critiqing my every move made me somewhat panic. I wanted to just run out and quit but I had concentrate and talk myself out of the scaredy cat mentality. I can be a spas (spasm) at times, I swear. All the guys are nice and helpful but I know they're testing me. Everyone is very positive. So I don't know why I was tripping. Well, needless to say, I still felt like shit this past weekend until I spoke to Thao and Danny. Thank you for sharing your experiences and reminding me to not give up. I know it's the beginning and I'll get better with time- but I still get doubtful from time to time.

Just to let you know, I had a good day today (Monday)- despite the fact I got to work at 9am and left work at 9:45pm. I actually felt useful and am getting the linux commands down! Yeah baby! I can ssh, reset passwords, view user groups and profile configurations ALL in linux. :)

Speaking of! I was on my friend's myspace and someone put this link as his comment. The bash.org caught my eye but check it out. http://www.bash.org/?574196 It's so wrong. I don't know what's worse- the fact someone made that up to remember the OSI model or the fact that I will remember that phrase to remember the OSI model. ha! Good night!

yummy in my tummy

yummy in my tummy,
originally uploaded by sweetCheryl.

and that's pretty much what I am doing. Yesterday was my first day and all of it was in orientation. Day 2: officially fried. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE what I am doing and where I am at but it's just information overload right now. Don't worry friends, I am taken care of. See the picture posted? That was my first dinner @ work. Everything is so de-lish! From today's breakfast (eggs, apple chicken sausage, red potatoes, and a custom smoothie with boosts!), to the snacks throughout the day, lunch and dinner! Now, I just gotta make time for the gym; but first, I must sleep! Yes, you heard right, I am sleeping early. This throbbing headache I am enduring has blocked my second wind to stay up a few more hours on the PC. Bonne nuit, until next time!

Alcohol- do your thang already!

take chi,
originally uploaded by sweetCheryl.

It's now 11:30. I told myself that I'd sleep by 11. Mr. Mondavi hasn't kicked in yet and I started at 10! Why is that? Normally, I start getting relaxed after 1 glass. I'm already at half the bottle now and I barely feel my temperature rising. Don't tell me that I shouldn't have eaten my Whitecastle snack at 10. I *had* to. I don't want my stomach burning. (takes another gulp) Ugh! Yuk! I still can't drink wine with a straight face. (unless it's plum wine, of course). I knew I should have stuck with shots...


Aw, how sad is this? I'm drinking a nice bottle of wine alone. Seriously, I am NOT an alcoholic.

I said a hip. hop. ....

IMG_1042,
originally uploaded by sweetCheryl.

I finally managed to decorate the walls in my bathroom. I don't know where my Saturday night went. How does it look? They are NOT supposed to be at the same height. Should they? The whole thing took 5 hours! Blame it on my ADD. Not only did I decorate, I did laundry; installed my new sleek, stainless steel, ear swab/cotton holder; downloaded music, watched the last episode of The Beauty & the Geek (Cher & Josh won), reorganized the linen and towel cabinets, changed my sheets ...AND...I was even able to fit in some solo dancing to la macarena, electric slide and Aserejé. :) Okay, so I slid the FULL 15 min. to Rapper's Delight. KaSaundra, I hope you change your mind and have a reception with dancing! "ho-tel..mo-tel..holidaaaay iiiiinn...."

Gameover man

Your January 2004 "world class" IT support team. -->

I will miss all of you. I'll cherish the memories- both good and bad.

2003: The IT room, Edguardo and his contemplative looks, watching movies during lunch, the conference room project nightmare/curse, Tnguyen, working weekends, constant references to Office Space. (Which reminds me! I need to take my red stapler!)

2004: My Hello Kitty balloon birthday, my boyfriend pillow, the late night crew (Tim, Randy and I) and our late dinners/snacks, BOB, his infamous clipboard, Jeff, Tim's girlfriend pillow, SOX, photoshop- Michael Bolton, Kevin Spacey, the lion guys? -- Can't remember their names. Spiderman, and our strong bond as a team.

2005: Drama in the team, team split, Vic, Naveen, Tim, contractors, reorg, empty promises, dried shrivled up carrot.

2006: Jay, the jacket fiasco, a rainbow on the other side.

*sigh* It's been a wild ride but it's time to move on. And time for me to sleep!

And you wonder why I'm always paranoid...

I got this from a friend and wanted to share it. Go to this link and enter your address. If you're paranoid like me, just enter an address nearby. ;) The site will search your area for any sex offenders and a map will show up with your house (generic picture of one) and all the little colored boxes of "registered" offenders will show up. You can click on boxes and get the name, address, crime and picture of the sex offender! Amazing, scary but oh so helpful!

Friday Funny

T.G.I.F! By far, this is the best blonde joke ever!
This is too good not to pass on. I hope it gets you rolling!

When you have money to burn...

you can buy stuff like this.

Seriously though. It only comes up to 1GB. And gold plated? No thanks. I want my money's worth.

Just like heaven

Butterfinger ice cream. Chocolate syrup & peanuts.